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New-Thought

Stop torturing yourself

We’re hurting ourselves.

The self-torture must stop if we are to live our best lives and make a positive difference in the world.

Self-torture? Yes, self-torture, which affects our happiness, health, and full expression of life, seems rampant.

Would you turn the keys to your kingdom over to those you dislike or who have harmed you?

This seems like a silly question, but this is exactly what’s happening when we spend our mental and emotional coin focused on what upsets us.

With the increasing tendency to be glued to media today, it’s vital we check-in with ourselves to notice how much attention, energy, and power we’re giving to what’s difficult.

Whether we’re holding virtual conversations in our mind with foes, or ranting and griping about politics and world situations, there are negative personal consequences when we focus on what we don’t like.

We can become like moths to the flame, and we bear the consequences.

Challenging situations are often mentally sticky and hard to shake. They easily start to colour our lives. What we focus on increases.

Psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson, a senior fellow from UC Berkeley, coined the phrase, “our brains are Teflon for what’s positive, and Velcro for the negative.”

Our brains react strongly to what’s unpleasant.

The tendency of the brain to over-emphasize what’s challenging keeps us stuck in a constant state of stress, and we can feel victim to life’s challenges.

It’s called the inherent negativity bias, the tendency of our minds to pay more attention to danger.

Research shows it takes five positives to off-set one negative criticism in healthy relationships.

The same is true for life’s experiences. We’re biologically wired to pay more attention to what’s challenging or negative; it’s a safety mechanism for survival.

When stuck in a negative mental loop, our bodies quickly follow suit, as shots of stress hormones circulate.

It doesn’t matter if challenging situations are currently happening, coming from memory or the media; our bodies react as if we’re faced with the threat in the present moment.

This easily colours our perspectives on life, and we can become negative, cynical, or pessimistic. It’s easy to start seeing only what’s bad, as the storehouse of the negative grows more quickly than what’s good.

In reality, we’re torturing and harming ourselves when we fall into the very human habit of maintaining our focus on that which upsets and disturbs us.

It’s challenging to switch gears once we’ve rehearsed a negative mental loop because neurons, or brain cells, that “fire together, wire together” according to Hanson.

Each time we practise a negative mental thought, negative mental connections become stronger.

While we want to stay apprised of what’s happening in the world brought to us by virtual reality, it’s important to remember what’s really happening within our own lives.

We don’t have to be victim to our negative thoughts, and with practice we can change the landscape of our minds. We can change our set-point for happiness, thanks to neuroplasticity.

It’s not about trying to ignore or suppress what’s difficult, or burying our head in the sand; it’s learning to use what’s good in our lives to consciously change our brains and improve our own health. We can then be better equipped to make positive changes in the world.

Gratitude is a simple practice offering powerful results, and it’s free.

Practising gratitude boosts the production of neurochemicals and hormones that support well-being. Our brains and our bodies benefit from practising gratitude.

Even if we can’t find anything to be grateful for, the mere practice of stopping to look for something to be grateful for creates a shift. Or you can up the power of gratitude.

While merely listing what we are grateful for is helpful, thinking of why we’re grateful for the items on our list enhances the benefits we receive.

Try this out for yourself, paying attention to how you feel inside.

Think of something you’re grateful for, pause for a moment and notice how you feel. Then list the reasons why you’re grateful. How do you feel now?

We can spend our time lamenting on what’s difficult, or what’s no longer possible, or we can choose to turn our attention on what is good within our lives.

We take back the keys to our inner kingdom, and it benefits us in amazing ways.

Quick! Name three things you’re grateful for? You’ve already started.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.



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About the Author

Corinne is first a wife, mother, and grandmother, whose eclectic background has created a rich alchemy that serves to inform her perspectives on life.

An assistant minister at the Centre for Spiritual Living Kelowna, she is a retired nurse with a master’s degree in health science and is a hospice volunteer.  She is also an adjunct professor with the school of nursing  at UBC Okanagan and currently spends her time teaching smartUBC, a unique mindfulness program offered at UBC, to the public. 

She is a speaker and presenter and from her diverse experience and knowledge, both personally and professionally, she has developed an extraordinary passion for helping people gain a new perspective, awaken and recognize we do not have to be a slave to our thoughts, stress or to life. We are always at a point of change.

Through this column, Corinne blends her insights and research to provide food for the mind and the heart, to encourage an awakening of the power and potential within everyone.

Corinne lives in Kelowna with her husband of 44 years and can be reached at [email protected].



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The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet does not warrant the contents.

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